What Really Happened to the WMDs in Iraq
We all know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction at one time. We know because they came from us. A deal hatched by some of the same people at the upper echelons of the Bush Administration, it is important to note. But now that we're in there, there's none to be found. Something had to have happened to them, but what?
I've figured it out.
Saddam was sitting in his favorite palace one day, thinking about how fucking good he had it. An enormous supply of oil, huge palaces and countless servants and concubines, an entire nation of people pissing themselves with fear that they might incite his anger...
And on top of that, he was untouchable. No one in or around the Middle East wanted to fuck with him, thanks to those nasty weapons he was sitting on. And the major powers? They needed a reason to start trouble, and he wasn't giving it to them. But it wasn't all sunshine and happiness. Those UN weapons inspectors were starting to be a pain in the ass, all poking around in his shit and knocking on the palace gates. He wouldn't be able to hold them off for long.
Those WMDs were starting to cause a problem, which really sucks for him because he wasn't going to use them, anyways. Using them would start a war, and he'd get his ass trounced. No, his purpose in keeping them was so that others would know he had them and thus they shouldn't fuck with him. Get rid of the WMDs and he was vulnerable. Keep them and he might have a war on his hands. He needed a third option.
After careful consideration, he realized that he didn't really need the weapons themselves, he just needed people to think he had them. So he destroyed them, covertly. Meanwhile, he defied the weapons inspectors at every turn until he was done. As long as they found nothing but didn't trust the result, he was golden. No one would go to war without proof, right?
The problem came when Bush officials demanded evidence that he destroyed them. At that point Saddam realized that he was fucked, and went and hid in a hole.
And that's how it happened
I've figured it out.
Saddam was sitting in his favorite palace one day, thinking about how fucking good he had it. An enormous supply of oil, huge palaces and countless servants and concubines, an entire nation of people pissing themselves with fear that they might incite his anger...
And on top of that, he was untouchable. No one in or around the Middle East wanted to fuck with him, thanks to those nasty weapons he was sitting on. And the major powers? They needed a reason to start trouble, and he wasn't giving it to them. But it wasn't all sunshine and happiness. Those UN weapons inspectors were starting to be a pain in the ass, all poking around in his shit and knocking on the palace gates. He wouldn't be able to hold them off for long.
Those WMDs were starting to cause a problem, which really sucks for him because he wasn't going to use them, anyways. Using them would start a war, and he'd get his ass trounced. No, his purpose in keeping them was so that others would know he had them and thus they shouldn't fuck with him. Get rid of the WMDs and he was vulnerable. Keep them and he might have a war on his hands. He needed a third option.
After careful consideration, he realized that he didn't really need the weapons themselves, he just needed people to think he had them. So he destroyed them, covertly. Meanwhile, he defied the weapons inspectors at every turn until he was done. As long as they found nothing but didn't trust the result, he was golden. No one would go to war without proof, right?
The problem came when Bush officials demanded evidence that he destroyed them. At that point Saddam realized that he was fucked, and went and hid in a hole.
And that's how it happened
Wombat I elect you president of the country.
Posted by
Cooper |
12/01/2005 8:56 PM
Woooohoooo! A mandate!
Posted by
Unknown |
12/01/2005 10:24 PM
That sounds like a good theory to me, EWombat.
Posted by
utenzi |
12/02/2005 9:54 AM
That's a lot better than than the weak and angry inventions you see on the political blogs.
And probably closer to reality.
Posted by
BFuniv |
12/02/2005 3:18 PM
Contact me when your 35 and eligable and I will help you campain-another great post-keep up the good work
Posted by
Clockworkchris |
12/04/2005 8:43 PM
To be most honest with you that is about the most accurate account of the situation that i've heard, but there is a missing piece. Sadaam still kept some of the weapons and the equipment to produce them, but he needed to get ris of them before the war. The rest is fact. Sadaam put what he had left onto 24 trucks which were to go to Syria. Before the trucks arrived Sadaam replaced the Border guards with his Secret Service and the trucks passed through and the border guards replaced. That's what i got...you can google the trucks and the border guards and you'll find the stories.
Posted by
Tigre |
12/09/2005 1:58 PM
The UN inspectors were at no risk of finding weapons that had been unilaterally destroyed in 1991.
And there was evidence that Iraq destroyed them. Tabun, sarin, VX and anthrax all degrade over time and would have been useless by the time Junior attacked. The only issue was confirming the destruction of 550 mustard gas shells. As I say, there was evidence that they were destroyed, but not 100% conclusive evidence.
Posted by
Unknown |
12/23/2005 7:38 PM